Pictures

February 3rd

February 3rd

February 25

February 25

Catch Up

I hadn't realized it had been since last Wednesday that I posted.  My front side starting hurting again, so I really tried to focus on not moving and letting it heal.

My doctor appointment went well.  Things are healing nicely.  I still have one cut that has a stitch on each end that I am waiting to heal before I can take a bath.  I really can not wait to relax in the tub again! I am definitely looking forward to that one.

I also went to my first support group.  We had a speaker about exercise.  Everyone seems so much further along than I am and looked wonderful!  They had a ton of questions for the personal trainer.  It would be nice to be able to go that route when I am cleared for more that walking.  Not sure of the expense though.

My weight was stuck at 202 point something since last week.  Finally down to 201.1 this morning.  Previous weight loss efforts seem to stall around this point so it wasn't surprising.  I am glad I didn't have a choice BUT to trust the program.  This is the point I would have quit and started eating with my old bad habits.

Last night I went to a church event. It was a Spaghetti Dinner and Pie Auction.  Paul wanted me to attend because it was for the youth program.  He is a leader with the senior high youth.  So I went.  I dutifully packed my dinner...pureed turkey and light mayo, yogurt and an energy drink.  Since Paul was busy I sat by myself while others ate around me.  My thoughts for awhile were, "What the hell am I doing here?  I can't eat spaghetti, which smelled wonderful, nor can I eat pies AND finally I am lonely in a room full of people I don't know." Talk about feeling sorry for myself.  When I finally unwadded my big girl panties and talked to a few people (thank you Marcia for sitting by me) I got a grip.  I sang some worship songs and bid on a bunch of pies which were mostly given away to others at the end of the evening. I realized it wasn't about me, never had been in fact.  It was about God and the youth, imagine that!

Today in the mail I got a treat in the mail.  I ordered some protein drinks from Chike Nutrition.  I can't wait to try them. I will let you know how they taste.  They are low in sugar and fat as well as high in protein.

I am going back to work on Monday.  Actually I was supposed to go back today.  There is no way I would have been ready so the leave was extended one more week.  Thank goodness! I think this is the week where my energy and strength will finally return full force.  I am counting on it anyway.

New Toys

Last night my husband and I went to Kohl's to pick up a couple of things to make my life easier right now.

One was the Ninja Master Prep set.  It is not the big set they offer, but it is more than enough for what I need.  Now I can puree, chop and liquidify to my heart's content.  Protein shakes will be a part of my life from now on.  If this machine makes it easier  I will be one happy camper.  Now I just need to find some recipes that will work in this wonder.

The other thing we picked up was silicone egg poachers.  I remember having something like this growing up, but it was a pan.  The pans were a little spendy.  I am sure if they weren't Calphalon they would have been reasonable, but...  With these poachers, you fill a saucepan with 3/4 inch of water, crack the egg into the poacher and set it in the pan with the lid on.  In 4-5 minutes you have a perfectly poached egg. Little or no fat involved.

The third thing I want to mention is my Tervis cup, which I did not buy at Kohl's.  Paul and Samantha bought it for me before I embarked on this journey. It is an insulated cup that holds a ton of water. It has a lifetime warranty.  If I break it they will replace it free of charge.  Now this is a deal for me.  I can not tell you how many insulated cups I have broken. I should have stock in the insulated cup industry.  I would make myself rich.  Anyway, I use it all the time!!! I can no longer drink through a straw so this is a perfect cup.  If I fill and drink from it three times throughout the day I will have my water intake (plus) for the day.

I have my second post op visit to the doctor today.  I finally feel that I can drive to my appointment and not do myself in.  We will see anyway.  Then tonight is my first support group meeting.  I have never been to a support group meeting.  It will be nice to meet other people who are going through or have gone through the same thing.  Right now everything is kind of by trial and error or from what I have read.  I am looking forward to some feedback from others.

Dumping Syndrome

Dumping Syndrome - Horrible name. There is a reason for it.  It is an absolute horrible experience!

Dumping Syndrome is when your body doesn't like what it has taken in for some reason and tries to dump it out by whatever means possible. With it are included a host of other wonderful things that happen as well, such as dizziness, excessive sweating and vomiting.

Dumping Syndrome is something I wanted to avoid at all costs.  I HATE feeling sick to my stomach!! There was no way I was going to put something in my body that would cause that to happen. I wouldn't even take a drink of Paul's watered down Kool-aid just in case the sugar content would bother me.

When you have weight loss surgery if you eat too much fat or sugars your body dumps it out, as explained above.  Well, my refried beans with a small amount of cheese and a dab of light sour cream, must have fit that bill.  About two hours after dinner last night my body rebelled!  All of a sudden I started to not feel good and it didn't take long for everything to follow.Like one minute to follow.  BLECH!!

There wasn't anything to do, but ride it out.  What a horrible, horrible experience.  I would love to say that will never happen again, but this is a live and learn process and I am in control only to a certain degree.  I am not sure what will set my body off or what it's limits are right now.  I am not sure what part of my half cup of dinner that didn't sit well whether it be the refried beans, the cheese, the sour cream or the combination of all three.  I do know I won't be eating them together again I can tell you that.  Too rich for my blood and definitely NOT an experience worth repeating.

I'm A Big Girl Now

I feel like singing...."I am a Big Girl Now"...

I graduated to pureed foods today!  I had spent a lot of time planning what I needed to buy to make sure I had everything on hand for this next phase of eating.  I shopped for everything AND walked the whole way!  It sounds like a small feat for some, but for me it was quite the accomplishment.  It took me forever to go through the aisles, but I did it!  All by myself.  Well, not exactly.  Paul came in after his haircut to help as I was finishing up.  He packed up and paid and let me sit. I was so very grateful! It is amazing how quickly guilt gets pushed aside when one is exhausted.

I couldn't bear (or quite have the energy) to put the food away so it is all sitting on my table.  I now take the next step and plan what I am going to eat when.  The planning process takes a little thought process because days of eating the same thing gets to be a bit much.  One can of pureed corned beef hash will last me for the rest of the week.

Today's menu consisted of corned beef hash for breakfast, ham and pears for lunch and refried beans with a dab of cheese and sour cream for dinner.  All meals were so yummy! Maybe not the most appetizing in looks, but fun on the tummy.  I am certainly not complaining about this phase.

I stepped on the scale this morning and am down another 5 pounds.  Fifteen in all!  Again, no complaints there.  I plan on taking another picture (thanks for the idea Peggy) and posting that, but not tonight.  Energy levels are low and my front left side still hurts.  I will not be at all sad when this pain is gone.

Bewitching Hour (February 16)

I seem to turn into a mess around 8:30 every evening.  I am working on what puts me into that state and trying to make adjustments accordingly.

First, that is when I begin taking my evening meds and vitamins.  Trying to stuff things down a pencil sized opening often leads to something feeling like it is stuck.  It doesn't seem to matter if how small I cut my pills, one of the pieces just seems to sit there.  I know this will get better as the swelling goes down and the opening into my "pouch" becomes a little larger, but for now it is very uncomfortable.

This also seems to be the time that I absolutely hurt the worst.  I am trying to make it through the day without any pain medication so everything just seems to compound until I have a hard time even walking.

Of course this is also about the time my Restless Leg Syndrome kicks in.  I really was hoping this would lessen with surgery, but that is not the case.  I know that RLS is more a secondary condition of my fibromyalgia and really has nothing to do with my weight, but I was sure hoping. Anyway with RLS it helps to walk and move.  Do you see my dilemma here?

So I take pain meds and make mini walks around my house.  I feel out of sorts.  It drives me crazy!

Last night I actually laid down on the couch (not the recliner) after one of my rounds around the house. I fell asleep.  Wahoo!!  My daughter came home later in the evening and my Golden Retriever went nuts.  He wanted to play and wanted to sleep on the couch with me at the same time.  It has been hard on him to sleep on his own. I won't let him anywhere near the recliner when I am in it.  It is a trust factor, a lack of it as a matter of fact.  I don't trust him at all!  Anyway, he crawled on the back of the couch to lay down only to decide he would rather be up again.  He went down off the couch via my stomach!  One very loud and unplanned word later he was made to lay down somewhere else far, far away from me.  I couldn't believe it.  I have been protecting my gut for two weeks from my animals. One of the reasons for being in the recliner is I feel somewhat protected from the flying monkeys.

Sarah and I decided I was going to live and nothing was bleeding (at least on the outside).  I eventually was able to fall asleep again, but this time in my trusty recliner.  Is it possible to love an inanimate object?

Maybe when it happened was for the best because I was totally relaxed.  Maybe I should sell my dog!  Anyone want a Golden Retriever?  Very Cheap!!!

Goals (February 15)

I went in to this surgery with many goals.  Obviously if I didn't say weight loss I would be lying.  Who goes into weight loss surgery and says that isn't one of their major goals?

Maybe it should be retitled...Things I am Looking Forward To

#1 - Being healthier (Weight loss truly isn't number one)

Not being tired all of the time.

Being able to sleep without my CPap machine. AND not having to hawk it where ever I go.

Less Acid Reflux and getting rid of the chronic cough that goes with it. (Already achieved!)

Shopping for clothes that don't have the letter x associated with them in any way.  Actually shopping in the regular clothes section of the store, not just a measley 15 x 15 portion.

Lower blood pressure (Already achieved!)

Lower blood sugar levels (Already achieved!)

Energy

Control over food, rather than food controlling my life.

Being able to fit into my "cool" coat that has fur on the cuffs and hood again.

Wearing boots.

Exercising with my daughter this summer when she comes home from college.

Participating in a 5K with the same daughter. (Her choice)

Participating in an obstacle course with mud involved. (My choice)

Seeing my toes

Being able to tie my shoes and still breathe

Weighing less than my husband

Being in the foreground of life again rather than hiding in the background.

I know that each and everyone of these are achievable, which is the giddy thing!  It may take time for some of them to come into my life, but again, I now have time!  I no longer feel that I am a ticking time bomb because of my health!  I am stepping up and taking charge...that has been a long time in coming!!

LOSER! (February 13)

LOSER! Normally a negative thought process for me, but NOT THIS TIME!

I have lost 10 pounds and several inches as finally noted in my weights and measures page. Again, putting my weight and inches out for the whole world to see, if they were at all inclined, is slightly scary. Okay, a whole lot scary. But if I am going to post this blog weights and measures are a definite part of what I am going through.

I have also lost my blood pressure meds and my diabetes meds.  Now who can complain about being a loser this time? Definitely not me!!!

My first post-surgery doctor appt went well.  I am healing. Still very tired though.  I plan my movements with spurts of rest and sleep, but I feel I am getting more done now than before surgery.  Of course, I am off from both jobs so that makes a tremendous difference.  Hopefully when all is said and done I will be able to do both life and my work not only well but with energy.

On a journey out with my friend today I bought a cookbook for when I am in each phase of the eating process.  I haven't had a chance to look at it because of that whole nap thing I explained earlier, but my goal is to be a mindful eater and with that comes pre-planning.  Each time I make something to eat I make a whole serving and then break it down into what I am allowed to eat right now.  That way I always have something on hand when I am ready to eat.  That planning is something that is going to continue. Even if I don't have something pre-made, it will at least be pre-planned with the right food on hand.

Underwear (Feb 11, 2013)

Underwear~A strange topic I know.    Yes, I am putting it out there for everyone to read! If I am going to post stats and discuss all the ups and downs of everything about my journey in cyperspace, my underwear is one of the first things to come up.

Just what about my underwear? They are getting baggy!  I am still in pretty comfortable clothes (alright my jammies) most of the time and I haven't noticed anything getting loose. So tonight I am celebrating baggy underwear!

It has been One week since surgery!  Last Monday I was in the hospital, unable to walk any farther than from my bed to the door.  Today I am able to walk so much farther.  Not a ton of walking, but I make sure I am up and moving a lot.

Following the plan. No more than one half cup modified liquids 3 times a day so how can they not sag just a little right?

For everyone out there tonight with baggy underwear I salute you and am happy to be joining in your ranks!

New Normals

New normals for me...
Going from pop to water (and preferring it)
Going from full sized plates to salad plates (for practice before surgery) to 1/2 cup Gladware bowls as my serving pieces
Going from medicine (lots of it) to vitamins with a a little bit medication thrown in
Milk
Asking for help
Nurturing my body rather than abusing it
Lots of tears that flow easily
Not feeling guilty for needing to stop and rest
Listening to my body
Being full

I know there is many more to come.  Some easy, some not so easy, but being okay with it either way.

Rough Night (Feb 9th)

Wow, last night was one rough night.  I thought sleeping in my own bed rather than my recliner or a hospital bed would be nice.  NOT!!

Before surgery I had been having trouble with coughing fits while using my CPap.  That, as I found out, has not stopped.  Abdominal cuts and coughing hurts, just in case anyone is wondering.

Back down to the recliner I went.  Lots of tv watching happens in the middle of the night.  Not a lot of quality shows, but a lot of tv watching nonetheless.

Consequently, I have had a lot of soreness today.  A pug who won't leave my side (or legs, or shoulder) makes it a little more difficult.

However, I am looking forward to my first outing.  We are going to visit Paul's mom in the nursing home.  Pain meds are a definite first. How is that for excitement?  If anyone knows me, knows that is saying something.

February 8, five Days Post-op

Five Days Out!! I would strongly recommend having someone stay with you for a week post-op.Things you take for granted fly out the window. Like getting in and out of a chair or bed all by yourself. Cutting into healthy tissue, even if it is done laparoscopically, hurts! Six incisions into your belly is a lot. Thinking about food and getting the amount of protein and water you need really isn't on your mind yet either. They do it all for you in the hospital, but you are on your own at home so having someone to help is the best. I made sure I went grocery shopping before surgery so I had everything I would need afterwards helped. Even then it seems as if someone has gone to the store everyday for something. Like replacement yogurt when the original stuff I bought had too high of a sugar content and made me feel sick.

Last night I made it the whole night without pain meds! Wahoo! I have been sleeping in our recliner ar home because it is easier to get in and out of with minimal help. My goal by Monday is to be back in my regular bed. That will be nice. I doze on and off throughout the day. Long stretches of sleep are off limits because I need to stay hydrated. It is recommended that you not sleep longer than an hour at a time during the day.

Food right now consists of broth, jello, yogurt and Cream of Wheat cereal. Broth has become my new best friend. Adding in one new food at a time is important!  You need to know what will bother you and what does not. So broth for breakfast, which I would never have eaten before, tastes really good! It also provides me with some liquid while I am eating. Drinking fluids a half hour before, during or a half hour after is a no-no!

A new normal! A new journey! I am embracing it with open arms!

Surgery Complete February 6, 2013

After months of preparation (classes, dr appts, insurance approval) my by-pass surgery is complete. It was a three hour surgery. Definitely no worries about eating too much! I was way too sore to care about food. The ice chips; however, have been a God send. Getting up and walking has been slow going, but is also a big help. Speaking of help....my best friend and husband have been invaluable. Their help and support means more to me than anyone can know.
Full liquids start today in minute amounts. We will see how that goes. Pictures coming soon.